Yeah, I've been trying to figure this out for about fifty years.
I'm no good at parties, because I don't know what to do at a party: how long should you talk with one person before moving on, what should you talk about that won't ruin the mood, what ratio of talking to listening, etc. I've always suspected there's a hidden structure, with rules governing this stuff, and I just didn't know the rules; in contexts where the structure and rules are clearer, such as a classroom setting with a specified teacher and a specified topic, or a committee meeting with an agenda and a goal, it's a lot easier.
When I joined the SCA in college, one of the most valuable things it gave me was structured excuses to flirt. I had no idea how to talk with people in whom I had a potential romantic interest, so I tended to shut down in such situations; in the SCA, I had a protective persona that could kiss hands and give compliments and ask for dances and exchange cloved fruits and back-rubs, and it was part of the act, it was what one does at an event. (Even with this help, it was another nine years before I "had a girlfriend".)
shalmestere sometimes complains that I "won't talk to her", but am willing to talk the ears off anybody else. Naturally, that's not the way I perceive the situation. There are lots of stories that I haven't told Sandy Stranger, but relatively few that I haven't told shalmestere; lots of facts and ideas that Sandy Stranger might not have encountered yet, but I know for a fact that shalmestere has. And if I'm talking with Sandy Stranger at all, there's probably a specific reason, a specific topic, that brought us together, so that's what I'm likely to talk about.
(I especially have trouble talking to shalmestere at bedtime, under the additional constraint of not talking about anything information-dense, controversial, or thought-provoking that might disturb one's sleep. I talk mostly to either transfer information, argue a controversial thesis, or provoke thought, so what's left?)
Could that be what's going on here? Your job provides specific ways and opportunities to be helpful, available, and useful, with content, so there's no awkward what-do-i-say-now.
And of course, LHMP is your baby; almost tautologically, it's more interesting to you than to almost anybody else (including most LGBTQetc people). When I read through an LHMP post, I find the personal stories of historical people (and the source-sleuthing to uncover those stories) fascinating, but I don't have much to add to them so I don't.
no subject
I'm no good at parties, because I don't know what to do at a party: how long should you talk with one person before moving on, what should you talk about that won't ruin the mood, what ratio of talking to listening, etc. I've always suspected there's a hidden structure, with rules governing this stuff, and I just didn't know the rules; in contexts where the structure and rules are clearer, such as a classroom setting with a specified teacher and a specified topic, or a committee meeting with an agenda and a goal, it's a lot easier.
When I joined the SCA in college, one of the most valuable things it gave me was structured excuses to flirt. I had no idea how to talk with people in whom I had a potential romantic interest, so I tended to shut down in such situations; in the SCA, I had a protective persona that could kiss hands and give compliments and ask for dances and exchange cloved fruits and back-rubs, and it was part of the act, it was what one does at an event. (Even with this help, it was another nine years before I "had a girlfriend".)
(I especially have trouble talking to
Could that be what's going on here? Your job provides specific ways and opportunities to be helpful, available, and useful, with content, so there's no awkward what-do-i-say-now.
And of course, LHMP is your baby; almost tautologically, it's more interesting to you than to almost anybody else (including most LGBTQetc people). When I read through an LHMP post, I find the personal stories of historical people (and the source-sleuthing to uncover those stories) fascinating, but I don't have much to add to them so I don't.