Daughter of Mystery: The feedback starts coming in

[hrj]

I had a a critique session today with one of my first readers, xrian who is my Subject Matter Expert on "does the religion feel right". The crits were very useful, ranging from "move this expository information on what you're using 'mystery' to mean much earlier in the story" to "you need a lot more God and at least a little more Jesus, but the Mary's about right; also, more relics." I may also need more specific feedback on my characters' habits of quoting untranslated Latin. In part, I want to achieve the feel of a particular slice of a particular culture where slipping in and out of Latin is utterly normal. But I do need to make sure that I'm not hiding relevant information that way. (It doesn't help that the particular Biblical quotation that brought up this issue is both inescapably apropos and unusually opaque to the casual reader. I guess I could have the character quote it in the vernacular instead, but in context it's meant to be an in-joke between two scholars, so that would dilute the effect.)

It has occurred to me that I never double-checked with my other first readers that the file came through safely and is in a format they can open (since I'm using the .docx rather than doc version these days). I am pondering how to inquire about this without it sounding like impatience (which it isn't), but some of them may read this, which would fulfill the purpose.

Comments

[vnend.livejournal.com]

Is there something about having the actual Latin there the advances the story? Because if the exchange needs to be understood by the reader, presenting it in English while noting that the exchange is actually in Latin would be the usual way of handling it.

Or I can simply wait to see it when it comes out to see how and why. Good luck.

[hrj.livejournal.com]

Using Latin rather than the vernacular is more in support of setting than plot. Character A has just paid to have some new clothes made for character B. Character B is composing a thank you note (to vastly over-simplify) and includes a slight modification on the Biblical quote "I was naked and you clothed me". In context, both characters are scholars and quoting the Bible in Latin would be not simply second nature to them, but the norm.

As a writer, the problem comes primarily because the verb in this quote is fairly opaque: "nudus et coopervistis me" (where the "clothed" verb comes from the root "oper-" as in a snail's operculum, rather than the more transparent "vest-"). I wouldn't have known it without looking it up, and my test-reader didn't either. So even assuming fairly literate readers, I don't get the effect of "oh, how cute, they're corresponding in Biblical quotations", but rather get "blah blah Latin blah".

I think I'm answering my own question. If I can figure out a way to work in both the Latin and a translation (which is what I've done in other places where the content of a quote is important) that's the way to go. It just seems less likely that they'd do that in writing than in speech (which is the context of the other quote I 'm thinking of). If not, then I think this particular one should be in the vernacular.

[vnend.livejournal.com]

That is neat, I was expecting 'vest-' in there as well ('Vestis Virum Reddit' being one of the few bits of Latin I remember from (eeek!) 40 years ago).

I've found that when friends or the network helps in situations like this, it is by causing the writer to realize what they already knew to do. Our work here is done. :-)

[kahnegabs.livejournal.com]

Would it be useful to have this very ordinary, but reasonably educated person read your book? I would love to do so, if you'd have me.

[hrj.livejournal.com]

Connie, if you'd like to be a test reader, can I save you for after the first round of revisions? It's very useful to have "fresh" readers at that stage.

[kahnegabs.livejournal.com]

I would like that.
Thanks