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Random Thursday: Retreating to Advance
Dec. 31st, 2015 10:33 amIn the last week, you heard a lot about my intensive Xmas home writing retreat. I’ve been doing a larger scale “retreat” this year as well, although I haven’t talked about it quite as much. At the beginning of 2015 I took a look at the combination of the travel schedule I had planned and my writing goals, and I decided to clear the decks of pretty much all my other “extracurricular” activities for the year. I haven’t attended any SCA events since last 12th Night. Although I’ve continued going to weekly dragonboat practice, I haven’t participated in any races this year. And, in general, I’ve declined most other socializing (unless it had a direct relation to writing, like ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
klwilliams’s backyard writing retreats. I’ve declined a couple of (non-SCA) camping trips and artsy events.
I expected this stepping-back to be a constant strain. A regular longing to go hang out with friends doing my usual hanging-with-friends stuff. Oddly, having made an absolute decision, maintaining it was very easy. Having said, “I’m just suspending everything else for the year; I’m not going to make case-by-case decisions,” I was freed from the stress and worry of choosing whether or not to do any particular thing. This is a phenomenon I’ve discovered in other parts of my life. For example, having made the decision that I will work out every day (unless actually sick or out of town), I never have to make that choice, “Do I feel like working out today?”
On the other hand, it has felt very isolating. I’m not someone who does spontaneous socializing easily. If I don’t have a fixed context in which to see my friends, it doesn’t tend to happen. And for a great many of my friends, for very many years, that context has been the SCA. Even many of the non-SCA activities that I do are with people I met and became friends with in that group. (If my social life were an ecosystem, it would have major flashing red “dangerous monoculture” signs all over it.) To some extent, this was a necessary part of the plan. The conventions ate up a great deal of my available socializing energy for the year. And my work-week writing schedule (including the ways it rearranges other activities like my gym time) has pretty much elbowed out any other activities except on weekends. And weekends (when I haven’t been traveling) have often been filled with mental recovery time. I don’t expect to find, on my “return to the world”, that I’ve been completely dropped by people I haven’t seen in the last year, but I definitely expect that I will have fallen off of many people’s “automatically include in invitations” lists.
And yet…my year-long program of clearing the decks has done exactly what I intended it to do. I’ve found out what my comfort level is for convention scheduling. (Maybe half of what I did in 2015.) I’ve found out whether it’s possible to manage one novel a year. (Yes.) I’ve found out exactly what parts of the SCA I miss (having a context to hang out with friends, medieval cooking playdates, teaching classes) and which parts I don’t miss at all (attending combat-centered events just because they’re considered the “official business” of the group). I’ve found that the hyped-up competitive focus of the dragonboat club is even more annoying when I’m not racing than when I am (but easier to blow off). These are all good things to know.
My 2015 clearing-the-decks “retreat” is coming to a close. I need to figure out which New Year’s Eve party to attend (“Which”, now there’s a concept.)[*] I’ll be re-entering the SCA year at 12th Night. And I will be carefully picking and choosing which activities in the coming year add to my well-rounded enjoyment of life. The break was useful, not only in terms of productivity, but to remind me that the world doesn’t end if I blow off any one particular thing. (And there were several very particular things that I rather agonized over choosing to miss this year.) Thank you all for bearing with me (whether you knew you were doing so or not).
[*] I initially drafted this up yesterday. Since then, I ended up making an airport pick-up run that didn't get me home until 3am this morning. So at this point I've already used up my "staying up past midnight" reserves for the week.
klwilliams’s backyard writing retreats. I’ve declined a couple of (non-SCA) camping trips and artsy events.I expected this stepping-back to be a constant strain. A regular longing to go hang out with friends doing my usual hanging-with-friends stuff. Oddly, having made an absolute decision, maintaining it was very easy. Having said, “I’m just suspending everything else for the year; I’m not going to make case-by-case decisions,” I was freed from the stress and worry of choosing whether or not to do any particular thing. This is a phenomenon I’ve discovered in other parts of my life. For example, having made the decision that I will work out every day (unless actually sick or out of town), I never have to make that choice, “Do I feel like working out today?”
On the other hand, it has felt very isolating. I’m not someone who does spontaneous socializing easily. If I don’t have a fixed context in which to see my friends, it doesn’t tend to happen. And for a great many of my friends, for very many years, that context has been the SCA. Even many of the non-SCA activities that I do are with people I met and became friends with in that group. (If my social life were an ecosystem, it would have major flashing red “dangerous monoculture” signs all over it.) To some extent, this was a necessary part of the plan. The conventions ate up a great deal of my available socializing energy for the year. And my work-week writing schedule (including the ways it rearranges other activities like my gym time) has pretty much elbowed out any other activities except on weekends. And weekends (when I haven’t been traveling) have often been filled with mental recovery time. I don’t expect to find, on my “return to the world”, that I’ve been completely dropped by people I haven’t seen in the last year, but I definitely expect that I will have fallen off of many people’s “automatically include in invitations” lists.
And yet…my year-long program of clearing the decks has done exactly what I intended it to do. I’ve found out what my comfort level is for convention scheduling. (Maybe half of what I did in 2015.) I’ve found out whether it’s possible to manage one novel a year. (Yes.) I’ve found out exactly what parts of the SCA I miss (having a context to hang out with friends, medieval cooking playdates, teaching classes) and which parts I don’t miss at all (attending combat-centered events just because they’re considered the “official business” of the group). I’ve found that the hyped-up competitive focus of the dragonboat club is even more annoying when I’m not racing than when I am (but easier to blow off). These are all good things to know.
My 2015 clearing-the-decks “retreat” is coming to a close. I need to figure out which New Year’s Eve party to attend (“Which”, now there’s a concept.)[*] I’ll be re-entering the SCA year at 12th Night. And I will be carefully picking and choosing which activities in the coming year add to my well-rounded enjoyment of life. The break was useful, not only in terms of productivity, but to remind me that the world doesn’t end if I blow off any one particular thing. (And there were several very particular things that I rather agonized over choosing to miss this year.) Thank you all for bearing with me (whether you knew you were doing so or not).
[*] I initially drafted this up yesterday. Since then, I ended up making an airport pick-up run that didn't get me home until 3am this morning. So at this point I've already used up my "staying up past midnight" reserves for the week.
