Not as bad as it could have been

[hrj]

Being March Crown, it rained. It poured, in fact. But it wasn't raining when I packed the car. And it was only lightly sprinkling when I set up camp. And the new pavilion (which hadn't been rain-tested before) was dry and snug. And it was warm and sunny when I struck camp. So all in all, one can't complain. (One could complain if one had set up in one of the campsites that looked fine on Friday evening but became lakes sometime during the night. But one chose higher ground.) I learned a few things about optimum staking under wind conditions, but the pavilion is remarkably stable despite its large surface area. The event was quite pleasant despite the weather -- I wandered around and chatted, which I'm getting a little better at with practice. Judged research papers for A&S, got someone started on spinning flax, chatted enthusiastically with someone about their field of interest and then got told later that I'd been "being intimidating". I'm so bleeping tired of that. If I don't show an interest in things people are doing I'm standoffish and unfriendly, but if I do show an interest in people's work I'm intimidating. After dinner and cleaning up, I took a turn around the field looking for congenial company, but pretty much all I could find were the big loud crowded drinking parties and small private groups that didn't include anybody I knew. In the end, nothing looked more appealing than going to sleep so I did.

The menu didn't quite go off as planned, mostly because I failed to review my recipes on-site. So I ended up heating the Fylettes en Galentyne for lunch by mistake ... and forgot about adding the vinegar-soaked bread crumbs to thicken it. There was plenty, so even when I realized where I'd gone wrong there was still enough for dinner. But then I wasn't really thinking and added the whole container of soaked breadcrumbs to what was by then half the dish, so it was decidedly too vinegary and I just fished the meat out of it and skipped the sauce. So I had the caboges for Sunday breakfast instead, which was fine because the morning was chilly and the dish was warming. The Caudle of Almonds turned out to be a Caudle of Hazelnuts because the container that I thought was more ground almonds was hazels instead. It was a bit weird, mostly because the commerical ground nuts included the skins. I think I need to just buy a bunch of blanched almonds and grind my own meal, although the commercial ground nuts are convenient for some things.

Comments

[aastg.livejournal.com]

"I'm so bleeping tired of that."

You said it!

I sometimes wonder if we are doing this wrong, that we're supposed to be quiet, yet attentive, while people talk enthusiastically to us about their interests, like Mothers who listen to their kids natter on about kid things; that we're not here to exchange ideas or explore the subtleties of the subject, or to debate on the various schools of thought. You didn't hire on to be a scholar/savant, you hired on to be a Surrogate Mother, so Get With the Program and Make with the Caring Nurturing.

If the sort of experience you described above happened to me more often I'd probably have quit by now...fortunately I can say I've had just as many opposite experiences.

My 2 pfennings. Too much time as a psych major...

[maestrateresa.livejournal.com]

I expect that the reason that people become intimidated is because they feel like lesser mortals. I am not being facetious here. The pair of you are Serious Acheivers, and people, if they're the least bit insecure (not that there's *any* of that in the SCA...okay, *now* I'm being facetious), can't help but compare themselves and find themselves lacking. It really isn't anything that either of you do or don't do--it's what people do to themselves.

It's really unfortunate, in more ways than one, since these folk who let themselves become intimidated really cheat themselves out of some potentially great interaction. But I suspect that they're so afraid that they'll be "found wanting"--as they judge themselves--that they don't even realize that *you* are not judging them. (doesn't make it any less irritating, of course, but there it is!)

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

I agree with maestrateresa here. Also, you're both shy, so when you're talking to new people the shyness can come across as whatever the new (to you) person's own insecurities want to turn it into -- intimidation, haughtiness, meanness, whatever. You're not into small talk, so with nothing else to gauge you on, you become a blank canvas that they paint to suit themselves. It will say a lot more about them than you.

Remember, maestrateresa is the psych major. I'm the master manipulator. I can show you how to stop coming across as intimidating if you want me to.

[goldenstag.livejournal.com]

If I don't show an interest in things people are doing I'm standoffish and unfriendly, but if I do show an interest in people's work I'm intimidating.

I have found over the years that there are some people that are always going to overreact, and frankly I gave up trying to be responsible for their reactions. I do my best to be supportive, helpful, etc., and if they decide I'm being intimidating (or standoffish or ...), well, shit ... I've tried, and maybe it's them, not me.

[shalmestere.livejournal.com]

I'm so bleeping tired of that. If I don't show an interest in things people are doing I'm standoffish and unfriendly, but if I do show an interest in people's work I'm intimidating.

Me, too :-/

[patsmor.livejournal.com]

Perhaps this is why lots of us "older" Laurels and Pels are considered so standoffish and withdrawn. While I'll never reach the activity level you and aastg do (too much life, I'm afraid, and recently too many doctors in that life), I got blasted with this during my first 5 years as a Pel all the time. I've pretty much gone back to "Tell me about it!" and "What do you intend to do next?" and just letting them talk, with some suggestions about sources at the end.

Crystal seems to manage not to come off as intimidating. Maybe we need to get her, Bronwyn, and Teresa to sit down and we'll all figure out how to be less.... of whatever it is we're doing.

[wulfsdottir.livejournal.com]

Consider this an invitation to "be intimidating" with me any ol' time. I'm seriously jaking for some intelligent conversation, friendly debate, or other exchange of ideas that stretches my poor atrophied mind.

[cellio]

Standoffish/intimidating: ooh, yes; I get that a lot too. I've learned to phrase advice as questions ("have you looked at $source?", "have you considered $approach?", etc), and to let them do a lot of the talking. But it's still frustrating. Some people act as if the peerage medallions come with embedded ESP amplifiers or something -- you know, we should have known exactly what the other person wanted to hear. Um, I think a conversation has give and take and imposes requirements on both parties to (1) cut the other some slack and (2) be clear about what they want if they're not getting it.

Wait a minute!

[lifeofglamour.livejournal.com]

Having read the comments of all you Laurels, I just want to jump in here as an apprentice and say that, dammit, we need you guys! I want all the feedback I can possibly get! If somebody has a better way to do something I want to hear it! If something I made could have been more period done differently, I want to hear it so I can make it better next time. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I'm very sad to hear that you guys, the best resource we have for improving ourselves, are worried about offending us Lesser Mortals(tm) and therefore have to worry about censoring yourselves. Maybe we should have some kind of discreet symbol now for people who can "take it" and people who are easily intimidated. But I don't think if someone is "enthusiastically chatting" they are likely to be put off that easily. Most of us are excited to get input from a Laurel, we *like* it when one takes an interest!

Please, Laurels, don't censor yourselves. We can take it.

Re: Wait a minute!

[wingedcorset.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what she said, only if I said it, it'd be all inarticulate and rambling.

You didn't act intimidating around me!

[dame-cordelia.livejournal.com]

The two times I was in the same place you were on Saturday I believe I would have noticed if you acted intimidating. I cannot remember ever having that experience with you or aastg.

Granted when I was very new I was intimidated by a lot of people, but that was me, not them.

[hrj.livejournal.com]

Now, I will argue that I'm just as much "into small talk" as the next person -- as those who care to listen can easily find out. Of course, my notion of appropriate small talk topics may be a little skewed. What I continually hear from people who have actually made the effort is, "Wow, you're a fun person after all. Why didn't I know that before?" But I'm still the same person doing the same things.