Daughter of Mystery , rev. 4
Oct. 6th, 2012 03:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hrjI haven't been posting much, not because I have nothing to say, but because I have much to do. But this morning I took all the accumulated feedback on Daughter of Mystery from my second batch of test readers and integrated it into the manuscript. (I had about a 67% response from this batch, which I consider quite a success, even for self-selected volunteers.) The feedback-based edits are more or less as follow:
* Change the Alpennian plural ending (used on a handful of invented words) from "-as" to "-es" because it was causing a little confusion with a possible reading as "-a (feminine) + -s (plural)".
* Of the three proper names introduced early in the story that have the shape "Ch...z...n", change two of them to avoid whole-word recognition confusion. For the sake of some word-play in Book 2, the Chazillen family get to keep their surname. But the town on Chalanzin is now simply Chalanz. And Margerit's cousin Chazerin (Catherine) is now Sofi (Sophia) instead. This also bumped her younger cousin Iuli into being "Iulien" (Juliana), with Iuli only used as a pet-form that no doubt both cousins find annoyingly rhymey.
* I hadn't quite realized that the story's emphasis on the archaic sword/honor-culture of the upper class (which was noted in several places as being outdated and likely to disappear in another generation) created an impression that the story was either set earlier than intended or that the magical aspects of the setting had interfered with the development of firearms as a military activity. So there are now additional scatterings of references intended to clarify this point. (There are some ways in which the magical aspects of the setting have created eddies of social/technological conservatism, but they're more anecdotal than systematic.)
* I found some places early on to more clearly establish the name Alpennia (my invented country) in the reader's mind.
* When a key political player shows up in person late in the game, I more clearly establish and reinforce her identity and relevance.
* Minor adjustment of some technical religious details I'd tripped on.
* Clarifying and emphasizing the mortal danger of the protagonists when they have to flee the city.
* Better setting up of the expectations the protagonists have for their future together (which situations their later conflict/misunderstanding better). And then referencing these expectations later during that conflict.
Next comes the formatting specific for my first target market. I need to play with tracking changes from multiple personalities because some of those changes won't necessarily be ones a 2nd or 3rd choice publisher would require and it would be nice to have an easy way of rolling them back. (E.g., my 1st choice market Does Not Use Serial Commas. I forgive them for this failing. But I'd like to have an easy way of rolling that back if necessary.)
* Change the Alpennian plural ending (used on a handful of invented words) from "-as" to "-es" because it was causing a little confusion with a possible reading as "-a (feminine) + -s (plural)".
* Of the three proper names introduced early in the story that have the shape "Ch...z...n", change two of them to avoid whole-word recognition confusion. For the sake of some word-play in Book 2, the Chazillen family get to keep their surname. But the town on Chalanzin is now simply Chalanz. And Margerit's cousin Chazerin (Catherine) is now Sofi (Sophia) instead. This also bumped her younger cousin Iuli into being "Iulien" (Juliana), with Iuli only used as a pet-form that no doubt both cousins find annoyingly rhymey.
* I hadn't quite realized that the story's emphasis on the archaic sword/honor-culture of the upper class (which was noted in several places as being outdated and likely to disappear in another generation) created an impression that the story was either set earlier than intended or that the magical aspects of the setting had interfered with the development of firearms as a military activity. So there are now additional scatterings of references intended to clarify this point. (There are some ways in which the magical aspects of the setting have created eddies of social/technological conservatism, but they're more anecdotal than systematic.)
* I found some places early on to more clearly establish the name Alpennia (my invented country) in the reader's mind.
* When a key political player shows up in person late in the game, I more clearly establish and reinforce her identity and relevance.
* Minor adjustment of some technical religious details I'd tripped on.
* Clarifying and emphasizing the mortal danger of the protagonists when they have to flee the city.
* Better setting up of the expectations the protagonists have for their future together (which situations their later conflict/misunderstanding better). And then referencing these expectations later during that conflict.
Next comes the formatting specific for my first target market. I need to play with tracking changes from multiple personalities because some of those changes won't necessarily be ones a 2nd or 3rd choice publisher would require and it would be nice to have an easy way of rolling them back. (E.g., my 1st choice market Does Not Use Serial Commas. I forgive them for this failing. But I'd like to have an easy way of rolling that back if necessary.)
