What not to learn about life from one's cat

You know that genre of books along the lines of "Everything I Needed to Know in Life I Learned from my [insert category of animal or person here]"? Well, I think we need the cautionary equivalent: "Behaviors That Aren't Any More Functional in You Than in Your Cat". You know -- all those quirks of human behavior that are frustrating enough in a pet but that you think humans might be able to figure out better. I'll point out that I'm not actually complaining about any particular human being at the moment -- simply seeing the symbolic echoes. I've always tended to claim that I don't go for humans that have canine personalities: the whole emotional dependence, monomaniacal, lack of body awareness sort of thing. But that's not to say that feline personalities don't have their own issues. Here's today's piece of feline unwisdom:

Sometimes it's a good idea to settle for the lap. If you insist on the chest, you'll get the floor instead. It's a very nice lap. The chest isn't really any better. And the floor is no fun. And what's more, I get the sneaking suspicion that if I gave you the chest you'd want the face.