Fanthropology and SCAnthropology
Oct. 27th, 2006 12:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hrjIn the last couple of days, some of the lj filk airwaves have been chewing over the issues of social dynamics, social engineering at conventions, and how everyone knows who the “cool kids” are but nobody thinks they are one. It reminded me in some ways of discussions on the sca-west mailing list about shyness, social inclusion/exclusion, and what the personal and societal responsibilities are for engineering inclusiveness versus the personal/societal responsibilities for owning one’s own issues. (Or, to put it more bluntly, the conflict between the position that outgoing/personable “cool kids” have a social responsibility to reach out and be inclusive, and the position that shy/insecure “uncool kids” need to just suck it up, get over themselves, and stop looking for external validation. Yes, this is a deliberately exaggerated description.)
It’s seemed to me that one of the difficulties in this field is that just because one has felt like an excluded geeky social outcast in one’s formative years doesn’t mean that one has developed the perception or skills to avoid perpetuating the same social dynamics when one has achieved a more secure social position. I think there’s a mostly unconscious tendency to feel that one has “paid the dues” during all those years of outcast-hood and once one has fought tooth and nail into a position of social comfort, it’s ok to simply sit back, take a deep breath, and enjoy the moment: to enjoy the friends and the sense of belonging at last, and to believe that since you have succeeded in getting to that place, everyone else can and will if they just stick it out like you did.
And there’s a certain validity in that position. People do need to “own” their own issues and find their own path to the social and life goals that they want. Nobody is going to hand you acceptance and adulation on a platter just because of your own inherent worthiness – especially if you keep that inherent worthiness well hidden.
But on the other hand, there are some simple, practical, easy skills one can pick up that can help in avoiding perpetuating some common social roadblocks. I tossed off a few ideas in the abovementioned sca-west discussion and I think they sank like a stone because people were more into the angst than into practical ideas, but I thought I’d toss them out again. This is very far from an exhaustive list – actually just a very few seed-ideas to get people thinking.
The first part is practicing awareness: awareness of the locations and orientations in space of the people around you; awareness of non-verbal behaviors that signal intentions and desires; awareness of the range of normal human behaviors and where one’s one natural style falls within that range. Awareness is a key skill because you can’t act on a social situation to affect it unless you’re first aware of the starting state and the potential future states. This is pretty abstract – the rest of the ideas are more concrete and practical.
Experiment with the ways in which minor shifts in your own body position affect those around you (we aren’t getting into subtle body language yet – just relative physical location and orientation). For example, if you are in a group conversation and a person is standing near you on the periphery of the group, see what happens if you step slightly back and turn slightly towards that person. Compare with what happens if you shift slightly to position yourself between that person and the center of the group.
Observe different types of pre-conversational behavior – the things people do before speaking that signal an interest in making a conversational contribution. Experiment with different types of (non-verbal) reactions to those behaviors. Examples include the “turning towards” behavior, making eye contact, nodding and/or smiling.
(Without meaning to endorse any particular sociological approach …) observe different types of conversational patterns. Which people keep speaking if someone else starts speaking? Which people stop when someone else speaks, even in the middle of an idea? Which people are comfortable starting to speak when someone else is speaking? Which people are uncomfortable doing so? Which people have a clear “finish point” to what they’re saying? Which people continue speaking until something interrupts them? Experiment with different (non-verbal) responses to these patterns. Does a person who normally stops when interrupted continue if given solid eye-contact or a “turn-towards”? Does a “no clear finish point” speaker seem to be waiting for a cue that they have been understood?
There’s lots of other stuff, but these were ideas that pretty much anybody can try: they don’t involve speaking, they don’t involve physical contact, they can be implemented by someone who otherwise feels like they’re only barely tolerated in the group themself. (And they all have clear filk-circle counterparts, although the gestures tend to be larger in that context, e.g., movement of chairs not just feet, etc.)
It’s seemed to me that one of the difficulties in this field is that just because one has felt like an excluded geeky social outcast in one’s formative years doesn’t mean that one has developed the perception or skills to avoid perpetuating the same social dynamics when one has achieved a more secure social position. I think there’s a mostly unconscious tendency to feel that one has “paid the dues” during all those years of outcast-hood and once one has fought tooth and nail into a position of social comfort, it’s ok to simply sit back, take a deep breath, and enjoy the moment: to enjoy the friends and the sense of belonging at last, and to believe that since you have succeeded in getting to that place, everyone else can and will if they just stick it out like you did.
And there’s a certain validity in that position. People do need to “own” their own issues and find their own path to the social and life goals that they want. Nobody is going to hand you acceptance and adulation on a platter just because of your own inherent worthiness – especially if you keep that inherent worthiness well hidden.
But on the other hand, there are some simple, practical, easy skills one can pick up that can help in avoiding perpetuating some common social roadblocks. I tossed off a few ideas in the abovementioned sca-west discussion and I think they sank like a stone because people were more into the angst than into practical ideas, but I thought I’d toss them out again. This is very far from an exhaustive list – actually just a very few seed-ideas to get people thinking.
The first part is practicing awareness: awareness of the locations and orientations in space of the people around you; awareness of non-verbal behaviors that signal intentions and desires; awareness of the range of normal human behaviors and where one’s one natural style falls within that range. Awareness is a key skill because you can’t act on a social situation to affect it unless you’re first aware of the starting state and the potential future states. This is pretty abstract – the rest of the ideas are more concrete and practical.
Experiment with the ways in which minor shifts in your own body position affect those around you (we aren’t getting into subtle body language yet – just relative physical location and orientation). For example, if you are in a group conversation and a person is standing near you on the periphery of the group, see what happens if you step slightly back and turn slightly towards that person. Compare with what happens if you shift slightly to position yourself between that person and the center of the group.
Observe different types of pre-conversational behavior – the things people do before speaking that signal an interest in making a conversational contribution. Experiment with different types of (non-verbal) reactions to those behaviors. Examples include the “turning towards” behavior, making eye contact, nodding and/or smiling.
(Without meaning to endorse any particular sociological approach …) observe different types of conversational patterns. Which people keep speaking if someone else starts speaking? Which people stop when someone else speaks, even in the middle of an idea? Which people are comfortable starting to speak when someone else is speaking? Which people are uncomfortable doing so? Which people have a clear “finish point” to what they’re saying? Which people continue speaking until something interrupts them? Experiment with different (non-verbal) responses to these patterns. Does a person who normally stops when interrupted continue if given solid eye-contact or a “turn-towards”? Does a “no clear finish point” speaker seem to be waiting for a cue that they have been understood?
There’s lots of other stuff, but these were ideas that pretty much anybody can try: they don’t involve speaking, they don’t involve physical contact, they can be implemented by someone who otherwise feels like they’re only barely tolerated in the group themself. (And they all have clear filk-circle counterparts, although the gestures tend to be larger in that context, e.g., movement of chairs not just feet, etc.)
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Date: 2006-10-27 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-27 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 02:32 pm (UTC)