hrj

I am really really jealous of podcasters who have podcasting partner(s) and/or very engaged audiences. I listen to other podcasts and sometimes I just start crying there in the car listening because I want what they have. I wish I had someone else who was deeply immersed in the academic side of lesbian-relevant history who wanted to partner with me on the podcast, either in terms of alternately hosting the show or in terms of co-hosting and having someone to bounce ideas off of. I wish I could even *imagine* finding someone to co-host with without imagining that it would double my work instead of halving it.

I wish I had an audience that I could count on to provide questions to engage with. Heck, I wish I'd had enough random listener questions that I could run the "Ask Sappho" segment as a regular feature. You know that I made up half the questions for that segment myself, don't you? I wish that I could do a "listener questions" show like other podcasts do, but when I ask for listener input it's always crickets.

I wish I felt like anyone actually *cared*.

I wish I felt like anyone would notice if I stopped.

I wish I could get positive feedback on the show without having to beg for it.

I wish I didn't feel like I should delete this rather than posting it because the last thing one should ever ever do is admit vulnerability and doubt.

Turning off comments because...well, see comment about "having to beg for it."