There's Routine and Then There's Ruts
Apr. 21st, 2020 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hrj Let's see...last updated on the 17th. That was Friday. Oops.
Part of my routine appears to be that I'm emotionally exhausted when Saturday rolls around and spend the entire day vegging out watching movies. After recording the interview first thing in the morning (which, by the way, I am not quite as enamored of Zencastr as I was when I first used it, but it's probably not their fault that the connection keeps dropping) I spend the rest of the day on the couch watching the entire extended edition LOTR. And that's it. Nothing else.
Sunday. Trying to remember Sunday. I did some yard work (tearing out ivy that grows along the fence with the neighbor--the neighbor who kept hassling me about getting rid of the ivy and never believing me when I pointed out that the roots were on his side of the fence (behind his toolshed) and it was not physically possible for me to "get rid" of the ivy. Finally when a male human being said exactly the same thing to him (my tree guy) he believed it. Grrr. But in any event, until neighbor and I synchronize our interest in replacing the fence in question, the ivy will continue to be a nuisance.
What else...oh, right the weekly DISTAFF social chat. After the first one, I decided I needed some handwork to do during the chat so I pulled out a piece of (very ambitious) needlepoint that I started back when I was in college. (For those playing along at home, that means over 40 years ago.) It's a medieval manuscript illustration of "the rabbits trussing up the hunter on a spit and putting the dogs in cookpots". I did my own charting, and a lot of the shading is somewhat freeform, so I can work on it without needing to constantly consult a chart. I'm making noticeable progress on it. I have no idea what I'm going to *do* with it when I'm done. It's an odd shape: about 1 ft by 4 ft. But hey, what the heck.
Also made a bunch more personal facemasks. Since I'm doing a "use once and toss in the laundry" approach, I decided 7 was a good number to have since I rarely do more than one load of laundry a week. I have yet to see how well the wire comes through the wash, but I found some brass craft wire so at least I won't have to worry about rust.
I got an inspiration for what to do for this months podcast essay. (I was contemplating doing another re-run but I like to save those for real crunches, not just feeling uninspired.) I'd done a LHMP entry on Brantôme's discussion of lesbianism at the 16th century French court that adapted nicely for a podcast without needing too much new writing. I should look around at some of my other entries I could use that way. The ordinary literature reviews aren't really suitable, but the primary source entries work well. I have a bunch of shows recorded that I haven't edited yet and I've set myself a goal of editing one per day until I'm caught up. Future!Me will thank Past!Me.
I had a thought at some point--I think it may have been on Sunday but who can remember these days? Living my life entirely physically separated from my social world and communicating entirely online both feels "normal" in that it's my default mode in ordinary times, but also triggers a lot of my anxiety about only existing to the extent that I'm creating content for other people to consume. I feel like a shark, constantly swimming to be able to breathe, except that I feel like I'm constantly flailing in cyberspace in order to continue to exist with respect to the world. That's why I'm tying myself up in knots over all the online activities that people are creating to fill in their quaran-time. I feel left out. I feel like I've stopped existing with respect to those activity-spaces. It's not that I haven't been invited to participate, but I CAN'T. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME. Because I'm working. Because neither my livelihood nor my other commitments have been halted by the Current Unpleasantness. And that makes me feel guilty for feeling left out. Because being too busy to participate in them is a privilege that many would much prefer to "suffer from."
But the other part of it is wondering if this is what retirement will dwindle into, especially if I end up with enough income to survive comfortably but not to travel and do the face-to-face interactions that make me "real" to other people. Being an online presence doesn't make you real to people. You're wallpaper. You disappear as soon as you stop swimming.
Speaking of swimming, Bella Books is doing a series of author readings on YouTube and mine just went up today. If you check it out, please do not bother to inform me that I have an annoying facial twitch. I know.
Part of my routine appears to be that I'm emotionally exhausted when Saturday rolls around and spend the entire day vegging out watching movies. After recording the interview first thing in the morning (which, by the way, I am not quite as enamored of Zencastr as I was when I first used it, but it's probably not their fault that the connection keeps dropping) I spend the rest of the day on the couch watching the entire extended edition LOTR. And that's it. Nothing else.
Sunday. Trying to remember Sunday. I did some yard work (tearing out ivy that grows along the fence with the neighbor--the neighbor who kept hassling me about getting rid of the ivy and never believing me when I pointed out that the roots were on his side of the fence (behind his toolshed) and it was not physically possible for me to "get rid" of the ivy. Finally when a male human being said exactly the same thing to him (my tree guy) he believed it. Grrr. But in any event, until neighbor and I synchronize our interest in replacing the fence in question, the ivy will continue to be a nuisance.
What else...oh, right the weekly DISTAFF social chat. After the first one, I decided I needed some handwork to do during the chat so I pulled out a piece of (very ambitious) needlepoint that I started back when I was in college. (For those playing along at home, that means over 40 years ago.) It's a medieval manuscript illustration of "the rabbits trussing up the hunter on a spit and putting the dogs in cookpots". I did my own charting, and a lot of the shading is somewhat freeform, so I can work on it without needing to constantly consult a chart. I'm making noticeable progress on it. I have no idea what I'm going to *do* with it when I'm done. It's an odd shape: about 1 ft by 4 ft. But hey, what the heck.
Also made a bunch more personal facemasks. Since I'm doing a "use once and toss in the laundry" approach, I decided 7 was a good number to have since I rarely do more than one load of laundry a week. I have yet to see how well the wire comes through the wash, but I found some brass craft wire so at least I won't have to worry about rust.
I got an inspiration for what to do for this months podcast essay. (I was contemplating doing another re-run but I like to save those for real crunches, not just feeling uninspired.) I'd done a LHMP entry on Brantôme's discussion of lesbianism at the 16th century French court that adapted nicely for a podcast without needing too much new writing. I should look around at some of my other entries I could use that way. The ordinary literature reviews aren't really suitable, but the primary source entries work well. I have a bunch of shows recorded that I haven't edited yet and I've set myself a goal of editing one per day until I'm caught up. Future!Me will thank Past!Me.
I had a thought at some point--I think it may have been on Sunday but who can remember these days? Living my life entirely physically separated from my social world and communicating entirely online both feels "normal" in that it's my default mode in ordinary times, but also triggers a lot of my anxiety about only existing to the extent that I'm creating content for other people to consume. I feel like a shark, constantly swimming to be able to breathe, except that I feel like I'm constantly flailing in cyberspace in order to continue to exist with respect to the world. That's why I'm tying myself up in knots over all the online activities that people are creating to fill in their quaran-time. I feel left out. I feel like I've stopped existing with respect to those activity-spaces. It's not that I haven't been invited to participate, but I CAN'T. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME. Because I'm working. Because neither my livelihood nor my other commitments have been halted by the Current Unpleasantness. And that makes me feel guilty for feeling left out. Because being too busy to participate in them is a privilege that many would much prefer to "suffer from."
But the other part of it is wondering if this is what retirement will dwindle into, especially if I end up with enough income to survive comfortably but not to travel and do the face-to-face interactions that make me "real" to other people. Being an online presence doesn't make you real to people. You're wallpaper. You disappear as soon as you stop swimming.
Speaking of swimming, Bella Books is doing a series of author readings on YouTube and mine just went up today. If you check it out, please do not bother to inform me that I have an annoying facial twitch. I know.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-21 09:40 pm (UTC)4/19 - temperature 97.7 - Did not leave the property at all.
4/20 - temperature 97.2 - Went shopping at PetCo (on Concord Ave over by the airport) to get dry food. (I need a special "urinary health formula" which seems to be the secret to not having the cats pee on the furniture.)
4/21 - temperature 97.4 - Bike ride at lunch, no contact, no close proximity. I'll be ordering delivery food today, which has become a routine to accompany the Zoom Movie Night group. The trick is ordering it early enough to get a targeted 5pm delivery.
no subject
Date: 2020-04-22 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-04-22 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-04-22 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-04-22 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-04-22 06:47 pm (UTC)That said, I'm glad that we've had occasional video coffee breaks now, it's been an upside of the lockdown.