Am I Too Prickly?

[hrj]

I think people who follow me on social media (especially here and fb) are aware of my habit of explicitly noting when I don't want "helpful" commentary/suggestions/feedback on something I"m describing--and, conversely, explicitly noting when I'm seeking input. But sometimes I worry that people take that as a signal that I don't want interaction at all. (Why in the world would I post things about my life if I didn't want any interaction?)

I'd love to have more actual conversations on social media. Back and forth, discussions of topics of mutual interest. But it feels like so few people stop to ask themselves, "Am I phrasing my participation in this conversation in a way that implies the original poster is ignorant or incompetent? Is there a way I could rephrase that makes it clear that I'm providing additional information for other readers, rather than implying this is something the original poster doesn't know? Or that I'm amplifying and agreeing with the post, rather than contradicting it or poking holes in it?"

Here's a generic example.

OP: [Interesting Fact]
Commenter: [Subsidiary Information that could be assumed to be known by anyone who already knows Interesting Fact]

Compare to:
OP: [Interesting Fact]
Commenter: What I love about that [Interesting Fact] is [Subsidiary Information].

The first implies the OP doesn't know the fact. The second shows solidarity by assuming the OP knows the fact and the commenter is sharing their love for it.

Now, one could object that people differ in their ability to communicate in nuanced fashions and some people just aren't good at analyzing on the fly how their comments might be taken. But from the other side, people differ in their ability to assume good will in the face of past experience. A mirror-world version of "I'm not good at reading social cues" is "I'm working very hard to read social cues and the false positives are abundant." Telepathy still hasn't been invented.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm whining about this (given that the inciting interaction was incredibly trivial).

Comments

[hudebnik]

On Quora, I see a mix of both styles: a bunch of "lengthier, more thoughtful threads", mixed with short "you're an idiot and your mother dresses you funny" gotchas. It would be interesting to correlate it with the poster's age: one suspects that the longer posts are from people over 50.

There's a substantial number of apparently-really-knowledgeable posts mixed with the "Why do [insert group name] believe [insert obvious nonsense]?" political trolling. Somebody will ask a behind-the-scenes question about a particular movie, and get an answer from somebody who claims to have worked sets-and-props for that movie. Somebody will ask why modern windmill blades have three rather than four or five blades, and get a detailed explanation from a mechanical engineer who builds windmills. People ask questions about Tolkien and get answers with detailed (and cited) quotations from not only the books everybody knows but from the various posthumously-published letters and stories.

[hrj]

I can see how "exchange of useful factual information" would be one of your "love languages!" LOL I always hoped that my research blogs would spark conversations and discussions, but it's never really happened. (Part of that is due to the manual-approval process I had to implement on the blog due to the volume of spam comments. But it's not the only thing.)

[hudebnik]

I usually find your historical research interesting and informative, but it's so thorough and detailed, so far beyond anything I know about or even have an informed opinion about, that I don't have much to add :-)