hrj

I had a pondering a couple weeks ago. There's this thing I do in my personal life, where I think that if only I can be useful enough, if I can provide enough value, if I can create enough content, then maybe people will like me and want to be my friend. [Look: this is the script that runs in my head. You can't scold it into silence.] And it just doesn't work that way. Nobody actually cares how useful or knowledgeable or creative I am. They'll be my friend or not, but there's nothing much I can do to affect the process.

But you know what? In my day-job, when I go out of my way to be helpful, and available, and useful, and knowledgeable for the benefit of other people...they appreciate it. And they express that appreciation both to me and in my presence to other people. And that feels really good. Really good. (Sometimes they even pay me extra money for being helpful and knowledgeable and useful, but honestly I get a bigger kick out of the thanks.)

Somehow it just seems upside down that I get more direct positive feedback for my interactions with people from my paid job than from my social life. Yes, this is me wondering once more why the hell I'm doing the LHMP anyway. And don't bother contradicting me because it doesn't count if I have to beg for it.