The Great SCA Gear Divestment Project

[hrj]

Today I tackled pulling stuff out from the righthand side of the garage to clean, catalog, photograph, and organize for my "Yes, I'm ready to admit I'm not doing SCA any more" giveaway open house. Tents, beds, tables, kitchen furniture. I've moved the containers of smaller kitchen equipment into the house for more focused sorting and washing. There's also the Wall-O-Fabric and the craft supplies to go through.

I'm not getting rid of *everything*. I'm keeping enough basic mundane camping gear for the possibility that I'll load up the Element and head for the woods. And I'm keeping plenty of fabric and craft supplies to be happy. But I'm aiming for "right-sizing".

The hardest part of this process isn't the "stuff" itself, but the investment I put into making and adapting things for my "ideal medieval environment". Some of those things I only enjoyed a few times. Some were still in the process of being perfected. But here's the thing: I'm *not* using them. And I have no rational expectation of using them in the future. And I'd rather that someone else used them to help build *their* "ideal medieval environment" rather than having the stuff continue to collect dust in my garage.

There's been a recurring theme in my life of needing to distinguish between living the life I will truly enjoy, and trying to live a fantasy life that I only *want* to want. Let me unpack that. The example I usually use to illustrate this struggle is My Fantasy Canopy Bed.

When I was a little girl, I fantasized about the French Provincial Canopy Bed in the furniture ad insert of the Sunday paper. But I didn't just want the canopy bed as advertised, I wanted it with the full curtains around it, like I knew canopy beds were supposed to have. I knew I was never going to get one. I had a perfectly good bed and my family didn't buy fantasy furniture like that. At one point I improvised a sort of half-canopy using random lumber and extra sheets. The fantasy was the image of having a private, closed-off space that was mine and mine alone in the middle of the house.

And when I was an adult and I had a place of my own and was doing some redecorating, I thought very seriously about fulfilling my childhood dream of having a canopy bed with curtains. And I realized that it was silly. Because the entire *house* was my private close-off space that was mine and mine alone. The image of what I wanted a canopy bed for was no longer relevant.

I have a few other standard examples of figuring out the difference between wanting something that I'll genuinely enjoy and wanting a fantasy of something that I can never actually have. I keep running up against that with home improvements. I fantasized about building a backyard combination grill and open-fire-cooking setup so I could invite my SCA friends over for medieval barbeque parties. Um...so the fantasy part? The part where I invite bunches of friends over on a regular basis. Wasn't going to happen. Sorted that out in my head soon enough to avoid expense and trouble. I've had similar issues around fun kitchen equipment for cooking things that I'm not actually going to cook on a regular basis. (Ooh, wouldn't it be fun to make my own homemade pasta...now that I've deliberately cut way back on carbs in my diet.)

Anyway, a lot of my SCA camping gear was about putting together that fantasy ideal of the medieval campsite. I got pretty close. I had plans for getting even closer. But even at its best, that fantasy ideal involved spending massive amounts of time and physical effort to pack the vehicle, unpack, set up, organize, and then reverse the whole process less than 48 hours later. All for one waking period of trying to "live the medieval fantasy" (and here's the kicker) at events where "living the medieval fantasy" mostly involved going to *other* people's campsites. Well, anyway.

There's the SCA experience I *wanted* to want and enjoy. I got close to it a few times. And that dream is what I had to let go of to be willing to give my gear away. I hit apogee. It's behind now. Somewhere in my files are the sketches planning out my medieval camping canopy bed. With curtains. I never did make it. In a box somewhere I have the mock-up of the bed curtains done in a cheap fabric for proof-of-concept, but I never found the right balance between engineering, portability, and historic appearance for the structure itself. I'll be giving away my IKEA-hacked camping sideboard that was going to have a plate display rack added to the back. I completed the design. I bought the lumber and hardware. Never made the display rack.

That's what I'm letting go of: that gap between the dream and the accomplishment.

One of the projects I truly do mean to finish is a set of throw pillows decorated with pieces of half-finished lace and embroidery. Projects that never got the momentum for completion. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair. Ou sont les neiges d'antan?

Comments

[kareina]

It is always fascinating to read this sort of post and see how other people's minds work for contrast with my own. For me one of the things I love about SCA camping is the ability to play at being a nomad--go to a new place, set up my home just so, with a place for everything, everything in its place, spend a weekend (or, here in Drachenwald 4 to 10 days) alternating between hanging out in my own camp and visiting others (probably about half and half), and then take it all down and pack it up again. I miss being able to do that every weekend like I did when I lived in An Tir and the central West, but I still get to do it a few times a year. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint on this. Wish I lived close enough to look through your stuff to see if any of it would make my camping home even better.

[hrj]

Nomads, by definition, tend to be into minimalism. Being a medieval noblewoman by definition is about maximalism. But trying to be a medieval noblewoman--when it means having to be the entire household and support staff by oneself--has a knife-edge balance of possibility. And for me, the biggest joy in the SCA has always been "doing things that involve stuff." Lots of "stuff."

[kareina]

I understand the issues in having to be one's own support staff! Been there, done that. I rather like the northern Sweden take on the SCA--the Shire buys stuff and we all get to benefit from it--when we travel together to camping events in other parts of the Kingdom we take with us a really nice camp, with minimal effort per person. Kind of like being part of a household, but without the bother of having to form one.

[trystbat]

I can empathize, having divested myself of 95% of my SCA camping stuff last year. It was a lovely dream, & I had it for a fewer years than you, but I did throw myself into it with gusto. But for a combination of reasons, I knew it wasn't sustainable.

Of course, now I want to come look at what *you're* divesting! But mostly to socialize -- & only to maybe see if there's some small things I could use ;)

[hrj]

There's a reason why people who enjoy the "gracious tourney living" approach to the SCA often burn out. Sometimes one can embrace that as a phase one wants to experience, which is sort of what my approach was, except that when the phase became unsustainable there wasn't much left.

[klwilliams]

When I moved into my current house I gave away or sold most of my SCA things. I still have some garb (of varying sizes) in case I want to go an event (I did have someone fight for me last year, though I couldn't walk well enough to go), but I sold my armor. I still have my scribal equipment, because there's a(n extremely small) chance that I'll use it. (I did use a calligraphy felt tip pen to write Chaz's name on one of his shirts, and the calligraphy looked great, but that's been it for ten years). I think when Teresa died my heart left the SCA.

[kareina]

"I think when Teresa died my heart left the SCA."

That may be the saddest tribute to an individual I have yet read.

[hrj]

I haven't yet gotten to the stage of sorting through the craft equipment/supplies and thinking about what projects I still intend to complete. The "spin-directional weaving project" is one I really want to see to completion, just because. But I'll probably be divesting of the standing narrow-ware loom (not really a loom, just a pair of fixed posts) that I made for a woodworking contest and have only used once. I can let go of the lace pillow but will probably keep the spinning wheel (though it needs repair). And so on.

[hudebnik]

Yeah, this. We're still getting to Pennsic, and probably two or three other events a year, but Pennsic is the only place where we have time to set up The Stuff (pavilion, trestle tables, candelabra, poor-man's canopy bed, etc.), so what's the point of making and/or buying more Stuff?

Perhaps even more wrenching, we practice shawm, harp, recorder, citole, fiddle, etc. partly so we can play them competently at events (say what you will about the SCA, it's a great source of in-context performing opportunities). But we're getting to fewer events, which leaves us with fewer performing opportunities. We've found more non-SCA opportunities to play with people, but there's the danger of all these instruments becoming purely social, not performing.

[hrj]

Indeed. Without the SCA (and having long since left filking), I don't really have a context for playing the harp any more. No way am I giving up my large harp, but I may decide to let the small metal-strung one go.

[vittoriosa]

I hear you. I had a lot less stuff and a much shorter history with the game, but it was strange to divest myself of all of it. Ou sont les neiges d'antan, indeed.

[hrj]

It would be even harder except that I've been practicing letting go of uncompleted projects, knowing that I have to focus on the ones that give me the most joy.

[lenora_rose]

I feel this (I particularly understand the Fantasy Canopy Bed with the full bedcurtains as a fantasy.)

I am not currently ready to give up the idea we are part of the SCA; for one thing, I really DO want to get back into archery, and our SCA archer friends provide a good anchor. But I do want to sit down with my husband and figure out which of the semi-abandoned hobbies we still want to do. For reasons (many-but-not-all to do with having kids) we have been less active, and our local group has also kind of shrunk, which leads to it feeling like there are fewer activities to draw us back in. Even knowing the growth-shrinking cycle has happened before, it can feel discouraging.

[hrj]

The thing about the fantasy canopy bed is that when I was ten years old, it would have given me exactly what I dreamed it would. But now that I could have it, it would be superfluous. (Not that I'm saying that my young life was blighted in any way by not having a canopy bed. Simply that that was the age when it would have fulfilled what it symbolized.)

[lenora_rose]

Where for me, I had a room that was all mine into which the canopy would have been put, so I *had* my own space even as I wanted a smaller, more closed in space.

[hrj]

Same here. (The benefits of being the only girl.) I'm not sure why having the canopy within my own room would have been important whereas having the canopy within my own room within my own house feels silly and pointless.

[dirtygreatknife]

I went through this, but more because there were *no* groups except our (then) very cliquey barony. Since then, the Barony's changed quite a bit and become more open and welcoming, but there are still very few metal weapons/living history groups in my state. The ones that are here are all Viking, and that's just not my period. It was really sad for me to give up most of my stuff, but I have kept enough to go to the occaisional event the SCA put on that I can get to.

[hrj]

I've gone to a few SCA events even after officially leaving. I can imagine continuing to do so. (I'll keep some clothing.) But it's sort of like the difference between being a member of a sci fi convention and just bar-conning. You drop by and say hi, but it's not like being part of the group/event.